ID05: Drunk Dial Induced Trauma

I hate to put this guy under a ID number, but he deserves it.

At 3am, Saturday morning, I receive a phone call.
Unfortunately, my phone was not on silent and it started ringing.
Seeing his name on the caller ID, confused, but too tired to care, I ignored it.
After pressing the ignore button, I see a new text.
It reads: "Dude, I'm getting the best hangjob right now..Omg"

Imagine you being half asleep, and getting this text from one of your guy friends.
Disturbed? You bet.
He calls again, and I decided to pick up.

"...help..."
"dude, what's going on?"
"....hhheeelllp..."
"are you drunk?" (duh)
"i..think so.."
"are you on drugs?"
"no...."
"where are you?!"
"..in my room.."
"do you have a girl there?"
"...yeah..she's in the bathroom...do you have anything you want to say?"
"uhm...NO...do you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend and freak out so she will leave?"
"...i don't know..........."
"uh what do you want me to do?"
"....*moans*...."
"WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT?!"
"uh..nothing! nothing!"
"WHAT THE F**K, IF SHE'S GIVING YOU A HANDJOB RIGHT NOW, OMG HANGING UP!"
*click*

For the rest of the night, I flipped and turned on my bed, traumatized.
Of course, I receive a follow-up text:
" Round 2...Wanna join next time? This girl wants to have a threesome. Free tomorrow night?"

I texted him back the next morning.
"I hope you regret living your life, you piece of sh*t"