Wolf-Men Packs

You know when you are driving alone in the highway and all of a sudden a group of cars passes you?
It's never one car at a time.
That's how it is with boys too.
One day, you are completely alone.
The next day, you have 5 wolves breathing down your neck.

The story is this:
I've been applying to part-time server jobs around the area, in the hopes of making some extra dough before I have to start paying for mortgage.
While revising my resume (because I doubt that the restaurant manager cares if I know how to program a data analysis software), I came across a road block.
I want to write that I was the only waitress for the entire restaurant on weekend nights that's around 70 people capacity.
In customer service lingo, I had no idea how to express it.
So, I went through my resources and contacted ID03 (The rebound waiter).
After a few texted back and forth, he said:"Let me know when you have time, so we can get dinner or something."
....SAY WHAT? I thought I put him in the friendzone and that sounded like a out-of-friendzone date.

"How about in two weeks?"
"Oh, wow you must be busy. I was thinking about tomorrow or something."
"ohh..haha..well let me know when you are still interested in two weeks!"
phew. Didn't get a response. I think he got the message.

THEN OUT OF THE BLUE (a ba di da ba die da ba di da ba die)
ID02 texted me with a simple "hello".
Hello it indeed was, especially since I have already informed him that I want to be just friends and that we haven't spoken for two weeks.
I responded with a simpler "hi".
He just wanted to know how I was doing.
I told him I was doing fine.
Then he asked "When do you want to get food?"
wait..I never said I ever wanted to get food..
I used my "In two weeks?"
He said "OK"
shucks! seriously?! idiot.
Now I have to cancel Friday's "date" and give him the "I just want to be friends" talk...again.

Do you think that they planned this together just to make my life miserable?!(overdramatization).

I smell fresh meat. Yum.
outback steak house Tuesday?

ID05: Drunk Dial Induced Trauma

I hate to put this guy under a ID number, but he deserves it.

At 3am, Saturday morning, I receive a phone call.
Unfortunately, my phone was not on silent and it started ringing.
Seeing his name on the caller ID, confused, but too tired to care, I ignored it.
After pressing the ignore button, I see a new text.
It reads: "Dude, I'm getting the best hangjob right now..Omg"

Imagine you being half asleep, and getting this text from one of your guy friends.
Disturbed? You bet.
He calls again, and I decided to pick up.

"...help..."
"dude, what's going on?"
"....hhheeelllp..."
"are you drunk?" (duh)
"i..think so.."
"are you on drugs?"
"no...."
"where are you?!"
"..in my room.."
"do you have a girl there?"
"...yeah..she's in the bathroom...do you have anything you want to say?"
"uhm...NO...do you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend and freak out so she will leave?"
"...i don't know..........."
"uh what do you want me to do?"
"....*moans*...."
"WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT?!"
"uh..nothing! nothing!"
"WHAT THE F**K, IF SHE'S GIVING YOU A HANDJOB RIGHT NOW, OMG HANGING UP!"
*click*

For the rest of the night, I flipped and turned on my bed, traumatized.
Of course, I receive a follow-up text:
" Round 2...Wanna join next time? This girl wants to have a threesome. Free tomorrow night?"

I texted him back the next morning.
"I hope you regret living your life, you piece of sh*t"

ID04: My Gay Soul-Mate

I have three soul mates.
Two girls.
One Boy.

I am 99% sure we are soul mates. He is too.
Soul mates in the sense that we understand each other 110%, we know what each other is thinking 109% of the time, we balance each other out perfectly 102% of the time.

We used to date for 2.5 years in College.
I was his first girlfriend, he was my third.
We ended due to an major external barrier; his mother.

After meeting his mother once over dinner, she decided that we were not good for each other and caused the destruction of the perfect relationship.

He was the first person I was maturely in love with, and vice versa.

It's been almost another 2.5 years since the break up and we have become best friends.
No, I have no romantic feelings toward him whatsoever.
We don't cross the line.
We talk on the phone about everything and anything, literally.
He asked me about anal bleaching a few days ago.
He gives me advice on boys, I pressure him to tap on girls.
It's great.

Recently, he has picked up an odd hobby; shopping.
He can talk about shopping for hours. Clothes, cologne, carrots, you name it.
He rejected my request of going paint/furniture shopping 3 times, because of shopping.

I personally witnessed him not taking advantage of a drunk attractive girl at a party, who was all over him the whole night.

Anal bleaching + Shopaholic + Drunk Girl Rejector
This could only mean one thing; He has become a gay man.
Don't be offended now.

My soul-mate is gay and he told me that he loves me like a step-sister last week.

Good times.

Dolce n Gabbana, Hallo!?

ID01: Present from Him on His Birthday

It's the ex-boyfriend's birthday today.
I was feeling pretty awkward these past few days.
We've talked and chatted, being just "friends".
But do I buy him a bonsai tree?
Do I make his favourite lactose-free key lime pie?
Do I gather all of his friends up for a surprise party?
Okay, the last one I didn't really think about, it was solely for the effect of the blog entry.

I was doing so much contemplating, that I didn't leave myself any time to do the gift shopping or pie making.
Today is his birthday.
I come into work and surprisingly a package arrives; for me!
There is was, the USB one can mini fridge he promised me 2 days ago for passing my citizenship interview.
It came with a cute (silly) sticker note from him.

"You are no longer Chinese!!! Now, Chinese American...Boringggg.* Congrats on making the team, **NICKNAME**. (*If you failed your test, I get this thing back)"

The disclaimer is typical.

Maybe I should contemplate some more on what I should do for his birthday for next weekend?